From Counseling Diary of KKP

Class X exams are over and almost in every home only one discussion is going on, “What subjects our child should choose in class XI. The driving force behind this discussion is common in all parent’s mind, “Ensured success in life” and the very thought of ‘ensured success’ stems from the deep rooted thought of “fear of failure” in our collective psyche or ‘community psyche’.

Here I wanna tell every parent, who is concerned with this question, that majority of youngsters visiting us, facing a problem in his/her career, has a common complaint to share with us, “papa ne kaha tha ya papa k best friend ne kaha tha… ye subject le lo…bohat scope hai”, mummy ne kaha tha…..bhua ne kaha tha….or majority of my friends ye hi le rhe the………and the list is so long.

Many of them who are preparing for NEET or pre medical are doing so just because unke parents doctor nhi ban paye…. so they have to, infact they should fulfill their dreams irrespective of their own interest.

Some said…our school does not offers the subject I wanted to opt………all my friends were going to that particular  school….so I chose this subject. Look how causally our youngsters are made to choose their career.

Likewise youngsters have opted subjects suggested for various reasons except for what they wanted? What was their passion? Rarely subjects are being chosen on the basis of personal liking, passion but for unfulfilled dreams of parents or status or money or ensured comfortable life.

Now look at the parents visiting us for counseling of their kids. Their major complaint is “इसका तो पढ़ने में मन ही नहीं है” “ये तो विराट कोहली बनना चाहता है” “इसे तो बस पेंटिंग करनी है” “बस बास्केटबॉल खिलवालो सारे दिन, जैसे ओलंपिक में गोल्ड मैडल ये ही लाएंगे” “इसे तो ट्रैवलर बनना है” अरे ज़िन्दगी कैसे कटेगी इन सबसे? काउंसलर सर समझाइये इसे….. “कुछ ऐसा कीजिये कि इसका पढ़ने में मन लग जाये”!!!! बस…

Dear parents, academics alone does not complete education. Academics is one aspect of a child’s development, and not the only aspect.

But, all the parents, at any cost want the child to be fixed, fixed for a lucrative and money laden career. But can we really fix them? Do we have a right to fix them?  And why do we feel the need to fix them? Parents wish their children follow safe, established, and tested paths. They become fearful if their children want to pursue something different in life….. something, which in parent’s considered opinion, is fraught with failure. Fear…..fear……fear…….ingrained deep in our society.

Now I tell you why parents feel this need to make children follow tested life paths?  Because

– वो हमारी तरह नहीं सोचते

– वो उस तरह नहीं behave करते जैसा हम चाहते हैं कि वो करें

– वो वैसा जीवन नहीं जीना चाहते जैसा हमने जिया

-वो life को explore करना चाहते हैं rather than tried and tested risk-free mediocre life जो हम उन्हें देना चाहते हैं

-क्योकि वो independently सोचना चाहते हैं


और हमारे according वो “अच्छे बच्चे” की definition में fit नहीं होते.

Now you will ask ….who are “अच्छे बच्चे’?

As per our fear laden societal norms…

अच्छे बच्चे are:

-those who are quite, studious, आज्ञाकारी child.

-जो बाहर जाना पसंद  नहीं करते

-who spends more time studying course books as compared to that spent in exploring the real world.

-जो  90- 95% (या इस से भी ज्यादा) marks लाएं, क्लास में top करें, अच्छा गाते हों, debate में फर्स्ट आते हों, स्कूल के annual खेल-कूद में भी नाम कमा लें ताकि मा-बाप का समाज में नाम हो……

-और जो हमारे age old and many time untested beliefs को challenge न करें


In my opinion parents are looking for Robots rather than children.

What will a child do with science, if he/she doesn’t understand the science of life. Ask yourself, ‘is your child ready to face the never ending challenges of the real world?’

They would be a confident and mature risk takers and decision maker on their own when you let them choose what they like….for what they are passionate about …help them to explore their likings….उन पर  अपना decision (read your fears) थोपें नहीं……Do not compare your child with anyone else not even with their siblings.

Every child is unique…has his/her unique potential. Help them to know their uniqueness. Your child needs your love, patience and time…not your money…not your orders. Encourage them to express their feelings. Otherwise after few years in life……your child would be sitting in any counselor’s office and will say “my parents ruined my life”.

6 thoughts on “From Counseling Diary of KKP

    1. If you are unable to find out real interests of your child, please do seek professional help. You may visit a counselor.

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